Heaven and Hell

As someone who’s recently free from commissions, I’m feeling a little lost. Yesterday I managed to get my Somni 18+ MYO* but I need to draw more to get the higher rarity trait. I didn’t, HAVEN’T joined the discord YET because I made a promise to myself to be casual and to be mysterious-ish, like, I don’t want to shove my art out there, I just want to put them out there g-e-n-t-l-y.

Then there’s the inactivity in Vampichi, tbh I can always put my Latte in the dtva/ draw-the-vampichi-above channel so I have to draw the previous vamps, but I have done 6 DTVAs within the past month (and I do feel bad if I keep posting her there even though I always finish my part ASAP. I’d talk about them here but at the moment I’m still fleshing out more lore for my vamp, and I NEED to make her counterpart/enemy. So I’m a little stuck-ish.

I know I don’t want to revolve my art and drawings around species PLUS 3 people have told me before I have to make my own thing but it’s so hard to focus sometimes.. does this mean I’m still a little insecure with my art hmm?? I’d like to think I’m in a better place at least compared to last year. I always review my progress everytime I’m approaching my birthday and I guess rn I’m just contemplating things YET AGAIN. Anyways, my hand itches if I don’t draw so I went to Cupid Cats (another 21+ ARPG) and fleshed out 2 prompt arts using their NPCs..

Ticket to Hell Prompt featuring Byte, Pick and Spade. All NPCs. 2h28m

Inferno’s Kiln Prompt featuring Spade, Pick and Gourd. All NPCs. 2h14m

The prompts I did were for the devidog unlock prompt, where I’d get my first Devidog MYO after completing all art prompts. If you’re unfamiliar, ARPG or Art Role Playing Game allows you to make your own official character to be used for prompt or quest completion, usually within the community world. You’ll get rewards and sometimes items for completing and participating in prompts.

The payout for both somni and cupid cats are good though so I’m happy so far.. and I’m —again, super proud with how they came out. But same with somni, I made sure to not join their discord for now bc I want to be as casual as I can be.

I told myself I’d think of something, maybe coming up with my own monthly art prompts like old instagram days and maybe I need to go on with my outfit collection afterall.. ugh! Being out of comms feel like heaven for me but it’s also hell because my indecisiveness is acting up and I need to create my own ‘things to work for’. 

*sigh* I saw on IG reel the other day about being an artist and OP was honestly so right: being a full time freelance artist = have to be ready with lots of uncertainties and you won’t even know what you’re doing 50% of the time but you have to still show up and create. It made me feel better knowing that this is probably universal and is a mental, like all I have to be is to be sure of myself. And be delusional. Anyways, I know I will pull through, I’ll talk more about my drawing process, my art and the likes in future posts promise! 

PS: me and my sister have begun closing our activity rings these past week, and I have been cutting down sugar and eating healthier lately. My aunt and uncles also bought me vitamins and supplements to help with my liver and health. Super thankful for them tbh.. which makes me want to work harder so I could somehow repay them (or at least make them proud)

I know the title is not titling but whatever!

See u on the next post!!

Jasmine :)